Love: American Style

Yay! Yay! Yay!

I know I have been BEYOND neglecting this blog, but I have a really good reason: I AM IN LOVE!!

Good things come to those who wait and Wow! The wait was well worth it.

Funny - check
Exciting - check
Handsome - check
Uber-Intelligent - check
Social - check
Interesting - check
Romantic - check
Honest - check
Loves and Respects Me - check

Needless to say, I am ringing in the New Year with a new outlook. Happy 2010 Hugsters!

Stay Tuned...

Ugh. Ugh.

Damn it, Amanda! I totally fucked up a potentially really amazing relationship because I was too afraid to face possible rejection. I lost because I was a coward.

The thing is - I have really never had someone chose me and not change their mind. I automatically assume this is always the case because of my past. It really is horrible and makes me dislike myself right now.

I said terrible things because I felt vulnerable and threatened by possible rejection. It's all because of my own fear.

I don't know what to do. I really hope I figure it out.

Shakin' It

I live in a lower flat and upstairs from me is another single woman. She is teeny tiny, like 90 lbs and 5 foot nothing. When I met her, I thought someone as small as her would be a quiet neighbor and I would probably have to watch my volume levels. NOPE.

This chick is the loudest person I have ever shared a floor/ceiling with. It is rediculous. I honestly think she doesn't know how to walk without shoes on and she bounds down the stairs like a Great Dane. My art shakes on the walls and she has pounded so hard at times that my bathroom light has burnt out from her pounding.

There have been times when it has sounded like she is lifting her furniture up off the floor and just letting go of it, so it falls back down on the hardwood, where it may. I have talked to her about it, tried to suggest she take her shoes off when she is in her house, get area rugs, explained how I can hear everything and described how my art is all crooked because of how much she shakes my walls. SHE DOES NOT CARE.

I woke up this morning at 4:30am. Not because I had to, but because this mini-hippo was stomping around her bedroom (which is above mine)while wearing hard-soled shoes. She didn't stop until 6am. Yeah, that's when she ran down her front stairs and slammed the front door, just to open it again 2 seconds later and run back up them. I had enough at this point.

I put a robe on, went to the front door, stood there waiting for her to come back down (I could of course hear that she was still romping around in the house). Finally, she came out and I asked her if she was done and her response was "why?". It took all I had not to walk over to her and slam my fist into the top of her head, but instead I said "I have lost almost 2 hours of sleep because you can't shut the fuck up, that's why." I then shut my front door and went back to bed. She started her car and honked her horn for 3 long honks and drove away.

Anyone looking for a great woman? If so, I have a neighbor for you to meet.

Jezy Shots for Clean Energy!

Have you been thinking about going to the bar? Do you like to do things to help the environment? Well, I sure as heck fall into both of those categories and I have a feeling that a lot of you do, too. Now, before you go doubting my claim of "green living", I put my recyclables out every (other) Thursday morning and use energy efficient bulbs in my lights. I also wrote a couple letters to government officials asking them to help our world's climate by supporting clean energy policy. I DID, TOO! and so can you...

Repower America is asking all of us to get involved in the political process and help make a difference in our environment for future generations. Yeah, it sounds annoying and you think you don't really have the time, but maybe you will change your mind when I tell you that Whiskey In The Jar, is the unofficial "base of operations" for Repower America in Metro Detroit. That's right - a bar. In Hamtramck. See? Now you are listening.

What are you up to this Thursday or Friday Night? Nothing much? Why not mix activism with shots of Jezy (Polish Blackberry Brandy, for those of you out-of-the-loop)...sounds like a match made in heaven, right? I sure think so. I really felt like I was doing something that helped not only myself, but everyone - whether they gave a shit, or not. Now, that's a bar experience I will have any given weekend.

Augie is the man with the plan, so go to Whiskey In The Jar, aka, "The Whiskey" and sign a petition for clean energy jobs, for less coal or write a short letter about reducing our dependence on foreign oil. Meet some crazy folks and have a good time...it's so easy that you might not even remember doing it, but you will be happy you did.

Bonus: I might be there, too.

Click Here to check out Repower America
Click Here to get directions to Whiskey In The Jar

Shhh...everyone can hear you.

I feel like there needs to be a change in what I write about because my life is changing. When I started this blog, it was fun and goofy...but I didn't take myself very seriously at that point in my life. How could I? I was allowing myself to be treated like complete shit and pretending like it wasn't happening, or if I couldn't pretend, I was blaming myself.

I am sitting in my living room with headphones on, listening to this CD of waves and other sounds that you would hear on a beach...they are rolling from ear to ear, back and forth. I am supposed to be thinking of a place that makes me happy and peaceful - I have been trying to do this for about an hour with no success. This CD is supposed to have some effect on my subconscience mind. Honestly, it makes me want to cry. Is that odd? I don't know yet, but I will find out on Tuesday.

Recently, I started going to a therapist to help me get over some things from my past. I thought that I was going to work out some relationship issues that kept hanging on and help me get over some destructive patterns that I want to stop repeating. What has actually come up is a lot of things that seem to stem from secrets, lies and my part in them.

I am going to have to come to terms with the fact that people haven't been upfront and honest with me throughout my life and have guilted me into keeping up their secrets and lie for their sake - all the time hurting me.

It's now time to start being honest. No more secrets, no more people in my life that think they can pretend and have me pay the price. Enough. If you think you may have hurt me because of your secrets and how they effect me, then you should probably get ready. Because I am not lying anymore.

Now, that doesn't mean I am going to go around saying "so-and-so had sex when they were 14." or "Joe-schmo cheated on their wife last year". This isn't about YOUR secrets. This is about me and it's about to get real. fast.