Written By Franklin Griswold
Intro by A. HugN'Kiss
This is the first in a series of writtings that I will be featuring on my blog from time to time. This visiting writer is a talented and insightful bloke that has chosen to share his work with all of the Hugsters. Now, sit back, relax and enjoy the show...
Behavioral Therapy & Douchebags
Written By Franklin Griswold
"Behavior therapy is based upon the principles of classical conditioning developed by Ivan Pavlov..."
Pavlov would ring a bell, and then feed a dog some meat. He did it many times over. It got to the point that whenever he rang a bell, the dog would salivate regardless of whether or not meat was in front of him. This makes me wonder, to what extent are a person’s actions, or their personality, shaped by the rewards and penalties that person has received in the past?
Let's take the example of douchebags. They dress like wankers, with, but not limited to; popped collar pink shirts, jeans with sequins, clothes under the Ed Hardy label or anything similar looking, and possibly variations of watered down gangsta minstrelry. They always feel the need to draw attention to themselves, and for the most part, they get away with treating women like crap. There has been more recent interest in this class of people, as evidenced in the website www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com and the new show Tool Academy on VH1. What the VH1 show seems to ignore, and what www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com only lightly covers, is the issue of what role do the women they interact with have in creating and supporting the douche-mongering.
At some point, all d-bags made a conscious or unconscious choice to emulate the behavior of existing douchebags, basing their decision on the observed discrepancies of rewards being doled out by desirable women in favor of existing douchebags. Their first forays into douchery must have produced rewards that encouraged them to evolve into even greater douche-nozzles.
I am calling on all women to stop rewarding douchosity. Ladies, if a douche-nozzle you do not know (or the even ones you do know) wants to take a picture with you, do not let him. He will post that picture on a social networking site, leaving people to assume that you like and admire that d-bag. If such a picture gets out into the public, people will seriously question your judgment. If said douche-nozzle is also doing some kind of hand gesture resembling a gang sign in that picture, the speculation on your own character will have an even poorer outcome. Don’t let a douche-clown buy you a drink. I know it’s nice to get free things, and sometimes you may even think you are entitled to it because you graced a venue with your presence, but from that point on, the douche-clown will believe that your attention and gratitude is owed to him. If you refuse, there is a chance he’ll never approach you again, which is what you should want.
I hope that women reading this will reflect on their past actions which have rewarded douchebags and perpetuated the species. Perhaps women have not yet realized that if they collectively deny douchebags the affirmations they crave, the outcome will beneficial for us all. The chach-bags, starved of attention, will start to ponder their adopted personas, and ruminate on the path that brought them to their current state. Once they’ve realized the errors of their ways, I suspect it could lead them to undergo significant personal growth and character development. Most proto-douchebags will be able to make a full recovery, and transform into real human beings. However, it may not be possible to save all of the entrenched, hard liner douchebags. If they headed down the douchebag path at an early age, it may not be possible to rehabilitate them. The humane thing to do would be to build a douchebag sanctuary, based on the ones built for endangered species. It would be a secure enclosure, resembling a nightclub, filled with mirrors for them to admire themselves in. There would be an open bar 24 hours a day, because if they’re unredeemable, what’s the point of ever having them sober again? There would be animatronic women there, like in Disneyworld, which would be programmed to say flattering things to the douchebags. It’s not as if they’d tell the difference any way.
