Hey, what's up? oh, not much, I guess

Just sitting here at home, doing nothing.

Well, now I am typing on my computer with Anthony Bourdain in the background on the TV - He is eating some NARSTY shit! I would never kiss him after he ate any of these things, like the pig's heart. Gross! Brush yo teefs!

So, I know I have been neglecting my blog, but I didn't realize the effect it may be having on others (or one other) until I got this e-mail: "Lazy bloggers: POST!!!!" Hey! I am NOT lazy, just not sure what to say...and I am BUSY.

Today, I have no excuse, though. I am at home, with no work laptop because my hard drive failed on Friday. I got the good news that my IT goddess is able to retrieve my info off of the drive and will load it onto my new one when it arrives sometime today, so tomorrow, back to work. In the meantime, I will catch up on some blogging to avoid more e-mails.

I am not sure what to talk about right now. I just got off the phone with a guy I went to high school with. We chatted about not taking showers when you are lazy and hanging at home. I told him about the PBS shows I watched late last night (remember, I have insomnia). So, the first was the first two 1-hour episodes of a mini-series called CARRIER. It is about the 6-month deployment of the USS Nimitz in 2005 on a mission to the Persion Gulf. The series captures the functions of the ship, the different ranks and jobs that people do, but most importantly, it gives you insight into the way that these enlisted and supervisors interact, think about what their purpose is in the military and what they think of what the US is doing in the world at the time of filming. The people they talk to and film all have different backgrounds, status in the military (some are in trouble for things such as underage drinking or being caught with alcohol on the ship) and ranks, so it is fascinating to see how they survive in such close quarters. I have some experience as being the girlfriend left behind while the Marine Corp boyfriend was out on a 6-month deployment, so I really like the fact that I am now seeing what it was REALLY like as opposed to what I imagined. I feel for these young people, to an extent. The average age on that ship was 22 years-old and there are 6,000 people on the ship. This is an extreme situation to put yourself in - and I don't care how mature or strong-willed you are.

The other show I watched was about the Nazi concentration camps. It was a Frontline presenation titled "Memory of the Camps". It was an unedited showing of an official Allied film that was edited in 1945 by a group of British people including Alfred Hitchcock. In the beginning of the program, a voice explained that this footage had been locked up in a museum in Brittain for many years and when it was released to a group of people to view/edit, it was missing a reel. It also did not include the majority of the soundtrack reels, but included a large portion of the script they had written for a narrator. So, the film was shown as it was found and they read the narration as it was written. They warned the viewers that the film contained extremely graphic material. They were not over-exaggerating - they probably could have been a little more loud about it, if you ask me...it should have been blinking neon yellow with a horn and siren in the background. This film was mortifying. I was glad I was up to watch it because I guess no matter what I am told or read about the Nazi camps, I have never actually seen anything that was this telling - even without many words. I don't want to say much more about it, but please watch it if you get the chance. We think the things that have happened in the US are horrible and effect us today? Imagine millions of people (men, women & children) being starved to death on purpose while being forced to sleep on barbed wire beds in a shack filled with bugs, rodents and dead people rotting on the ground. Disease and torture all around you. Being shuffled to your death in a hoard, locked in a room with a skull and cross bones on the door and showered with poisonous gas until your lungs burn inside your ribcage(that was a quick way to go, comparingly). Your grandmother might be forced to carry your body of skin and bones to a shallow mass-grave so that she can get a corner of bread with bugs in it and mold all over it (no water) - and all because you are a person. You thought it was only Jewish people? wrong. By the way, that's the mild, Disney version.

I am really sad again after typing that. Anyhow, I am going to write more and tell you what's been going on. I will try to be more consistent.

Tell Me Lies, Tell Me Sweet Little Lies

On Saturday, I will be seeing a psychic. And from what I have been told - as far as psychics go, this one is damn good.

People have been speculating as to what she might tell me. "oh, maybe she will tell you when you will get married", "Maybe she will know what the sex of your sister's baby is", "you might hear that you will be getting a new job!" Honestly, all of those things will be fine, but I don't have any expectations because I am not sure if I want to even think of this as something I could take even a little seriously. I mean, COME ON! It's a psychic, like Miss Cleo - and we know how credible she was.

I will make sure not to wear anything that will distunguish me as anything but average and non-distinct. I will not wear any jewelry, bring any photos or trinkets. I am not going to ask her any questions or give her any information that she can make assumptions because of. I have also decided I will not tell her whether she is correct or not throughout the reading. We will see how good she really is.

So, if I suddenly announce that I am making some big life changes on Sunday, calmly talk me out of it and remind me of this blog and the fact that I need to think rationally. And that I don't have enough money to quit my job - or buy a yacht.

damn I'm tired - look how awake I am!

I am pretty much an expert on insomnia as of this weekend. I didn't fall asleep until after 5am on Friday night and 3am on Saturday. By the way, its 12:03am on Sunday and I haven't even yawned.

I could speculate that there could be many reasons from lack of junk food (yep, been eating less and better) to lack of lovin' but I know the major reason: medicine And I am NOT going to stop taking it. I may have to start working a midnight shift, but the meds are staying.

I am going to the gym tomorrow night and I am hoping that I can exercise myself into a coma and then wake back up on tuesday morning when my alarm goes off at 6am. If this works, I will be repeating every day of the week from now on.

Wish me luck!